It only happens on TV ... ... ...

Does it? No.... I am positive. I look around and I see it happen. And it inspires me.

One of my favorite characters on TV said this:

-Meredith Grey : "You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true."

A beautiful place isn't it?

Fairy tales do come true, It just won't happen at this moment of my life. But you know what? I don't mind at all. 

Because as of now, I am just smelling the coffee (after waking up). 

Sounds like a plan!

Somebody told me last night that if you make up your mind to create a new path for your life is a plan itself. I thought I didn't have enough drive in me. But I guess I needed a slight nudge. I needed to be reminded about my trials and tribulations. I am making up my mind, and it is a good thing.

I should start with my bucket list, a good friend said. But for me, I should start with just figuring out where to go from here, am I staying or going? Who should I go with?

They say it's not the destination, it's the journey. I want to have a smooth journey in life. Especially in the next chapter of my life. I don't want to have to walk on egg shells. I try to stay in the middle, aggressive but mindful. I don't want to worry about who knows what, or who will say what. Because at the same token, once I know what I am doing is right, I wouldn't give a damn what others think. I guess that what got me where I am right now in my life. I am a very determined person. I could really write a book about what I have been through (maybe I will, once I get to my next destination).

The fact that I made up my mind to make some changes is already a plan. For others, it doesn't make sense, but for me, party on! It's a celebration.

How do you wake up and smell the coffee?

Some of us are blinded by how we want to paint the picture of our lives. We  like to live in a fantasy. So much so that we ignore signs. Signs that because we want the fantasy to be our reality, we get deeper and deeper into a state of  numbness. But what's sad is that, we have no energy or courage to get ourselves out. It goes back to the point that we want to hang on to the fantasy. We want to hang on to the perfect life. We want to hang on to a life without ridicule of others.

I am guilty myself of hanging on to a fantasy. Something I know I can't have. And yet, I keep on telling myself, hang on, things will change. Even though, I know it's a shot in the moon. I am blinded by a little smile, when I know it's only temporary. I need to examine the picture. A picture that will never change.  A picture that I know, I can't compete with. I can't keep on imagining the "what if's". I need to stop dreaming.

The question is, how do you get out of the useless dream? What would it take?  A prayer? A genuine friend to tell you the truth? No matter what, it is only ourselves who can  get us out of this rut. It is us who has to have the courage. It is us who has to accept the reality, and decide what do we want to do about it.

If I only step back and look at my life, I am doing all right. I don't need the icing on the cake. I can live with "just" the cake. I really don't have to bother to wish for something I don't need. I am alive, aren't I? A year ago, I didn't know if I can even get out of bed. But look at me, I am healthy, I have a lot of friends. I have a family. My life isn't perfect, but it is perfect for me. I have done a lot of things that I know I can be proud of. I have lived with less, so I don't need the extras. I am happy with who I am, not with what I can't be.


And now that I am awake, all I need to do is just smell the coffee and enjoy it. I believe I can. It's an easy task.

And yes, I am genuinely happy!