Trust your instinct

Merriam-Webster defines Instinct as "a natural impulse". One friend of mine said, "when it doesn't flow naturally leave it alone."  In short, trust your instinct.

My dog went to obedience class when he was a puppy. One of the commands that he learned was "Leave it". I know it only works for dogs, but there should be an inner voice in us that tells us to "leave it" when your instinct tells you to leave it alone, or ignore.

There are a few things that happen in our lives that we really need to rely on signs, instinct or even advice from friends if we are suppose to believe, accept, do, or whatever it may be. It maybe a new job, shopping, friendship or even a relationship. Don't look at the obvious, dig deeper. Don't get excited about it right away, because, chances are, it's all superficial. At the end of the day, it's yourself that you will be kicking for falling for something that wasn't true to begin with.

But then again, you learn to live.

The simplest things can make you really happy

Sometimes, you don't need the greatest. You don't need the grandest. You can live a simple life. There are times when you don't have to experience the best either, as long as you're happy. You don't have to look for perfection, you have to look for what's perfect for you.


A simple dinner, a simple conversation, or sometimes, just sitting and not even talking. They say, "You say it best when you say nothing at all."  You can even just stare at your feet, or shoes. And maybe laugh about it. You'll be surprised, it does feel good. :)

As long as you are being true to yourself. Because in the end, who are you fooling?

When he closes a door

They say he opens a window.  For me, he didn't open a window, he opened a garage door. Okay I am exaggerating. But for real! When someone is patient because of the many failures that happened in her life, I think at one point she will be rewarded because she has been through so many challenges. Mr. B told me that if it doesn't flow naturally, leave it alone. Although I didn't listen to him at first, I had it at the back of my mind. Obviously, as my earlier blogs indicated, I woke up and smell the coffee.

I am very thankful that the recent chapter of my life ended so fast. It was very unpleasant. Worse that I can ever imagine. But when you have hit so low, you can most definitely appreciate the next chapter so much. You can breathe a fresher air. You can smell victory. You can say for sure you won. Hey, you are experiencing a better scenario, looking at a better view (you can take that literally), and cherishing better memories. What more could you ask for?

And what you may ask am I doing right now? I am taking it all in. With a smile of course. It may not be the perfect life, but perfect for me. Somebody up there must love me.

No, it is not the wine.

What drives a conversation during dinner? I believe it is the personality of the people at that table. The personality that draws you closer to the person, as a friend or any other way. It is what makes you realize how lucky you are to have that person in your life.

Last night I had dinner with a friend that just got back in town. I haven't seen him for almost a month. I missed him. But we have been in touch with each other every day. He has a habit of teasing me. His messages make me smile. But there is something different with actual conversations. Conversations that are about a lot of things. Conversations about food, travel, work, the past, or just about anything. Conversations about loving life! I was drawn so much in the conversation because I felt it was genuine, profound and refreshing. I was drawn so much that I didn't even notice that I was actually drinking a glass of wine.

Sometimes, you have conversations with people that doesn't really affect you. Conversations that doesn't make you long for more. And maybe conversations that lack credibility. Conversations that make you say in your mind, "when will this be over?". But nobody is perfect. Some people can have more depth than others.

But one thing for sure, when you find a person that makes you long for more conversations with them, make that known to that person. I am sure they will appreciate it. And no it's not the wine.

At some point... ...

You just have to find the courage to forgive.  It is the right thing to do. You can't count on people to be perfect. When they screw you over, it's part of living as humans who can be imperfect. All you can do is understand that there must have been a  reason why they have strayed away from doing the right thing. You can also hope that they never do it again. Who knows?

Taking care of business

And why wouldn't I?  I am trying to have a positive outlook here. I am motivated to move on.  Find the brighter side of anything I come across with.  Count on friends and family to be supportive.

First line of business: Cherish people who care for you. Appreciate what they do for you. It's a full cycle. Don't you think so?

I got this gift on memorial day from a special friend. I appreciate this person very much. I show that I care. And we both brighten our days. At the end of the day, everybody is happy.

Now that's taking care of business!

I guess the two go hand in hand

I got the bottle as another gift last night before heading out to dinner. I am new to wine drinking, I admit. I only got my wine glass a few weeks ago. When I got home, I had to see if I even have a cork screw. Well, what do you know, I have one. Good start!

What can I say?

Sometimes, you wonder if you can believe a person. And yes, you have to give them the benefit of the doubt. But at what point do you throw in the towel and say it' not worth it.

I'll tell you what, in my opinion, it is when people are not making sense anymore. It is when lies are created on top of another. It's when you hear a person tell you his lies to his other half. It's when people can't get their story straight. When all conversations don't seem real anymore. When you realize that it was all a joke and everything shouldn't have happened.


But in all of these, all you need to do is find something good in this bad situation. Think of the good times over the bad times. And you will recover from disappointments.

Think good thoughts.

What if there are none?

It's okay, it was fun while it lasted. 

It only happens on TV ... ... ...

Does it? No.... I am positive. I look around and I see it happen. And it inspires me.

One of my favorite characters on TV said this:

-Meredith Grey : "You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true."

A beautiful place isn't it?

Fairy tales do come true, It just won't happen at this moment of my life. But you know what? I don't mind at all. 

Because as of now, I am just smelling the coffee (after waking up). 

Sounds like a plan!

Somebody told me last night that if you make up your mind to create a new path for your life is a plan itself. I thought I didn't have enough drive in me. But I guess I needed a slight nudge. I needed to be reminded about my trials and tribulations. I am making up my mind, and it is a good thing.

I should start with my bucket list, a good friend said. But for me, I should start with just figuring out where to go from here, am I staying or going? Who should I go with?

They say it's not the destination, it's the journey. I want to have a smooth journey in life. Especially in the next chapter of my life. I don't want to have to walk on egg shells. I try to stay in the middle, aggressive but mindful. I don't want to worry about who knows what, or who will say what. Because at the same token, once I know what I am doing is right, I wouldn't give a damn what others think. I guess that what got me where I am right now in my life. I am a very determined person. I could really write a book about what I have been through (maybe I will, once I get to my next destination).

The fact that I made up my mind to make some changes is already a plan. For others, it doesn't make sense, but for me, party on! It's a celebration.

How do you wake up and smell the coffee?

Some of us are blinded by how we want to paint the picture of our lives. We  like to live in a fantasy. So much so that we ignore signs. Signs that because we want the fantasy to be our reality, we get deeper and deeper into a state of  numbness. But what's sad is that, we have no energy or courage to get ourselves out. It goes back to the point that we want to hang on to the fantasy. We want to hang on to the perfect life. We want to hang on to a life without ridicule of others.

I am guilty myself of hanging on to a fantasy. Something I know I can't have. And yet, I keep on telling myself, hang on, things will change. Even though, I know it's a shot in the moon. I am blinded by a little smile, when I know it's only temporary. I need to examine the picture. A picture that will never change.  A picture that I know, I can't compete with. I can't keep on imagining the "what if's". I need to stop dreaming.

The question is, how do you get out of the useless dream? What would it take?  A prayer? A genuine friend to tell you the truth? No matter what, it is only ourselves who can  get us out of this rut. It is us who has to have the courage. It is us who has to accept the reality, and decide what do we want to do about it.

If I only step back and look at my life, I am doing all right. I don't need the icing on the cake. I can live with "just" the cake. I really don't have to bother to wish for something I don't need. I am alive, aren't I? A year ago, I didn't know if I can even get out of bed. But look at me, I am healthy, I have a lot of friends. I have a family. My life isn't perfect, but it is perfect for me. I have done a lot of things that I know I can be proud of. I have lived with less, so I don't need the extras. I am happy with who I am, not with what I can't be.


And now that I am awake, all I need to do is just smell the coffee and enjoy it. I believe I can. It's an easy task.

And yes, I am genuinely happy!

It's been a long time.

I must admit that I have been truly busy to even sit down and write again. But I realized that everyone needs to take a break, sit down and smell the coffee, in my case, my white mocha.  I know, I know, it's 2011, so I should have at least one post to welcome the New Year. 2010 has been an interesting year. A lot of good things happened along with forgettable things (people). So my first blog of the year would be to summarize the past year and forecast the new.

First and foremost, a lot of my friends know I got sick at the beginning of the year. I thank all of the people that helped me through that ordeal, my kids, my parents, my good friend Robert, and all my Facebook friends, special mention to Jinggay and Malou. I got back to work middle of March. It was a big adjustment for me having bedridden for 3 months. I had to work extra hard when I got back because I was under pressure to make my goals. I was challenged to prove myself that I can do it to get to the next step. I am proud that I made it.

This year was also bitter sweet for me. My eldest son has moved out and went back to his birthplace. We miss him terribly, but I know that I raised him well and that he will be great in his own way. No matter what, we will always be proud of him. He is always welcome to come back and we will accept him with open arms.

I was also in a forgettable 4 month relationship that I was thankful that I have ended. A lifetime of misery would have been inevitable if I stayed with that person. But as the higher being says all the time, if he closes a door, he opens a window (although another door would have been more comfortable, ha ha ha). But wait, a door wasn't closed on me, I shut it myself, for I no longer want to witness all the worms that are coming out of that horrendous can. :-)  Come on, do I need all the drama that came with him?

I also got close to my good friend and her family. They make life here in Elk Grove quite the interesting one that I am beginning to love. I also learned how to drink wine because of them. Although they can't replace my real family in the Bay area, they seem to help me not to miss the real one much. Nothing wrong with that, right?



I also discovered later last year that if you pay close attention, you will discover a treasure just waiting to be polished. I gained a best friend. Someone who makes me happy. Someone who is very understanding that the life of a single mom is very complicated. Someone who takes a back seat when needed. Someone who has an opinion but let's me be the driver when it comes to raising my kids. Someone who practices what he preaches. Someone who makes true to his words (not a flake). But in the midst of all of these good things, someone who reminds me that nobody is perfect, including me ..... and him, and of course, we just have to work on fighting for what we believe in. We will be friends for a long time, I know, for sure. No pressure. No arguments.

That's the past....so what's the forecast?  No Drama, No Dorks hanging around, No Double standards and No hypocrisy..... in other words......Happy life ahead of me.